Posts filed under 'stuff I *loathe*'
well… there’s two minutes of my life I’ll never get back.
(funniest thing is that Mr. OutdoorsExpertForOver10Years totally burns his marshmallow. He had one monumentally-simple task and he failed. But tries to cover it up by saying, “And you can roast it to suit how you like them.” Whatever, dude. Nobody likes to eat gooshy, molten ashes-on-a-stick.)
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ps: I’ve tried and tried to halt the autostart on that video but can’t seem to do it. Sorry. Why don’t they give me a FlashExpertForOver10Years for that?!
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pps: ok, MarshmallowMan was annoying the snot outta me, so I had to take the video off of here. Click the picture above to go to the site. You know, if you’re roasting-challenged…
October 25th, 2007
Let’s get this straight… the Downtime Sleepy Hat is a baby cap that you pull down over said baby’s eyes when you want them to go to sleep. And it’s supposed to signal to everyone (kid included) that it’s baby’s quiet time, and please do not disturb the poor, sleeping child. Because she expended *so* much energy as you were tying her arms behind her back (the only way the hat would stay on), it would just be plain cruel to interrupt her sleep. It’s so cute how she can’t even hold up her head and yet valiantly struggles to free herself from her cutesy infant blindfold. Babies are so funny…
October 23rd, 2007
So you know what’s the absolute best thing to hear the day after you’ve spent HOURS picking nits off of your kids?
“You know what we talked about in StoryTime today? We talked about COWBOYS! and you know what else? We even got to wear HATS!”
argh.
October 23rd, 2007
ok, usually I’m a big fan of Cranium — they make astounding games that highly entertain my kids. They seem to have a terrific company culture that fosters creativity and imagination.
So what happened? What’s with the Crazy Caps? If I recall, back in the dark days when I was a youngster, if we wanted a “crazy cap,” we sat down with a stack of construction paper, scissors, tape, a stapler, string, that weird mucilage glue that my grandma always had, and whatever other assorted bits that looked interesting at the moment and we made ourselves a crazy cap. No batteries, nor ® needed.
why, yes, I am cranky today…
harumph.
October 19th, 2007
were you thinking, “Man, I’ve got an extra $22,000 laying around and I could really use another cat”? You were? Well, you, sir, are in luck. Because Lifestyle Pets (hey, did you throw up in your mouth a little too when you read that? Good. That shows you may just have a soul.) has just the thing for you… a cat that looks like a leopard. Because, really, who here has ever seen a spotted cat before?! Well, ok, maybe ALL of us, but those cats weren’t special like these cats. Those cats were only spotted by luck. THESE cats have four zillion dollars worth of inbreeding with African Servals, and Asian Leopard Cats and Bulgarian Unicorns (and, oh, regular old cats) to make them $uper $pecial.
And don’t forget to check out the dog section while you’re at the site because do you know what they’re working on?! Small dogs! Teeny, tiny dogs that you can probably carry around with you to be extra annoying. WHO WOULDA THUNK IT?!
October 9th, 2007
So we’re finishing the basement. If you ever think, “eh, we don’t have so much stuff…” take half of your basement and move it to the other half of the basement. Then look at the pile. Yes, you have a lot of stuff.
I’m sure the basement will be fabulous when it’s done. I’m also sure I’ll be a worn-out stressball when it’s done. We’re all of two days into the project and we’ve run into our first snag. And it’s doozy. A plumbing doozy. One that seems to be necessitating a complete rearranging and redrawing of the bathroom plans. Hooray.
Wake me when it’s over.
October 4th, 2007
Usually I’m a huge fan of Oxo. They take the most mundane things (mainly kitchen utensils) and study and redesign until they come up with something far superior than the original. Do you know anyone, for instance, who doesn’t have one of their vegetable peelers?
So, in my search for a replacement wire cheese slicer, I thought they would be a good place to start. Oh sure the Oxo slicer looks good. But it comes with a replaceable wire. Which originally seemed new! and exciting! but then I decided that it was just a bit of a cop-out. Essentially they’re telling me “go ahead and buy this thing, but really, who are we kidding? we all know you’ll use it twice and then SPROING! We’re even admitting it’s going to break, but to make things a little better, we’re going to let you try and fix it once that happens.”
Ummmmm, thanks.
September 20th, 2007
We can put a man on the moon, but apparently it’s impossible to manufacture a wire cheese slicer that lasts more than six months.
Ok, so usually I adhere to the Alton Brown school of kitchen gadgets which goes something like, “don’t own any kitchen tools that have only a single use.” I have two exceptions. One, is an Octodog (more about him at a later date). Two is a wire cheese slicer. Yes, I know that KNIVES will slice cheese, and yes, we have those, but my poor knife skills just don’t do the trick. So I buy those flaky wire things that break every few months. Is there some sort of super cheese slicer out there that I don’t know about? I mean, apart from the gigantic, powered things they have in the deli? Someone enlighten me… puh-leeeeeze.
September 17th, 2007
It’s annoying enough to me that you’ve managed to ensnare the hearts and minds of my two little girls with your annoying princess thing. Luckily they’ve only really fallen for the Little Mermaid, as she grates on me a little less than the others. I can’t even start on the utterly ridiculous “vault” thing you do with the movies, as it is simply beyond reasonable comprehension. And while I see the merits of losing a mother as a plot device, the “no moms, ever” in the stories kind of gets old.
I have a different gripe today, though. My four year old desperately loves Flounder and has picked that for her Halloween costume. And I can make lots of costumes, but this one seems a little beyond my abilities, so despite my better judgement, I wander on over the the Disney site to look around. And once I manage to find my way to the Halloween Boooooootique, I’m faced with this choice: Costumes for Girls or Costumes for Boys. So, uh great… where does Flounder fall? There is no “Costumes for Both Genders Who Might Want To Be A Character From A Decades Old Movie.” And so I have to page through all of both categories, only to find that there is no such thing. There’s one for infants but nothing larger.
Fuckers.
So I head on over to ebay, and it turns out there have been, at some point, toddler Flounder costumes. And not too long ago, as most of them are worn once or brand new. Perhaps Disney has just shoved these back into the vault too. I hope it smells like blue-and-yellow-striped, dead, rotten fish the next time they open it… and not for a limited time only.
September 2nd, 2007
If you run a newspaper, and you *finally* make it to the year 1995 and get yourself a website, I have a spectacular piece of advice for you…
After you get all done swooshing up your masthead for the web, you might then work on including your contact information somewhere. Anywhere. Any sort of a bit of contact information — address, phone, maybe even that thing called the electronic mail. Because people just may want to get a hold of you sometime… I know it sounds crazy, but you just never know.
August 23rd, 2007
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