Archive for October, 2006
If I lived in a true mid-century modern house, and I had enough money to furnish it the way I wanted, then I would have to post this sign from Uncommon Goods. Or, more likely, not THIS sign, because this one is kinda ugly… so probably one that I’ve made that SAYS this, but is much cooler looking.
Seriously, how can people actually live in those modern houses without having all the stuff? How can kids live there? Are they really that disciplined, so as not to have ANY stray detritus laying around at ANY time? Or do their houses really look like hell most of the time too, and they just clean it up extra nice-like for the photo shoot?
bwahahahahahah! I almost fell out of my chair here thinking about my house having anything but a “before” photo shoot…
October 30th, 2006
I say “damned hilarious.â€
I know, I know — I’m not supposed to like sock monkeys. But the fact of the matter is, I *heart* them. And this is not a fleeting love, but one that well precedes Paul Frank and that crazy Julius.
So imagine my delight when I saw that Urban Outfitters had a sock monkey devil Christmas ornament. Go on, imagine it! Did you imagine something as delightful as unicorns jumping over rainbows, while a crowd of little gnomes cheered from below? Well now imagine all that, and then a fiery devil sock monkey appears on the horizon and commences blasting them all with his super laser pitchfork. Except the gnomes, because they’re on the monkey’s side and they knew he was coming all along. They are sneaky, those gnomes…
October 27th, 2006
I would most certainly buy myself a gigantic 6′ uglydoll.
And if I had another $600 laying around, I’d buy a zillion regular sized ones and fill up my (thus-far imaginary) play room couch.
And if I had yet another $600 laying around, I’d go ahead with that therapy.
October 26th, 2006
Ok, I am, by no means, the most fashionable person in the world. In fact, I am usually very, very far from anything remotely related to fashion. But this is just stupid.
If someone managed to attach these to my face, all I can imagine is trying valiantly to rip my own eyelids off. Then my blinded self would feel around the room until I found the culprit, and I’d shove humongous fluffy eyelashes down their throat until they gagged.
October 26th, 2006
I massacred a chicken yesterday. It appears that, somewhere along the way, I failed to learn how to properly cut up a chicken. You’d think this was something one would know about oneself. But it didn’t really occur to me until I was elbow-deep in chicken slime, trying to figure out where to hack next. Sure, whack the legs off first, that part’s easy. But after that, it all went downhill. Yeah, it tasted fine in the end, but mega F- on presentation.
Unless maybe I get a few extra credit points for adding the “guess which part of the chicken THIS came from” element of surprise? No? Yeah, I thought not.
October 25th, 2006
It’s hard to believe that the show I Pity the Fool actually got made. I mean, come on, it stars Mr. T. MR. T! I wonder how that idea was floated… did Mr. T contact them, or was it some young intern, riding the 80s nostalgia wave? Who cares! Mr. T., and his crazy, rhyming self is back.
and this time he’s just downright sweet. Who’d a thunk it?!
October 24th, 2006
You are all here today because you have recently found a golden ticket inside one of my delicious chocolate bars… no wait, that’s not why. You are here today (all 5 of you) to WORK! Yes, you’re going to be the first-ever focus group for my “next big thing” (read: what I’ve been idling my time away with lately instead of actual paying jobs).
After considerable search for suitable artwork for my boy’s room, I have found nothing that strikes my fancy. And so, of course, I decided “I’ll just do it myself.” And then I thought, “hmmmm, that’s a pretty good idea. There really isn’t much out there in the way of modern art for kids.” And so I set out to make some.
Here’s the problem. I’m not an artist. Oh sure, I play one on tv — McArtsy they call me — but we all know that’s not the same. So I need a focus group. Because while arty side of me made up some stuff, business side can’t make a decision to save her life.
What I’m aiming at here is something you might spy in a copy of Dwell. You know, those crazy-cool modern rooms with all the Netto furniture and the DwellBaby linens.
So help out a girl, will ya? I’ve uploaded some of the prototypes, they range from fairly realistic to all blobby/abstract. Go look at these and then come back and critique away — tell me what you like, what you don’t and don’t be askeered to say, “well THAT’s all crap — start over!” Oh yeah, and you have to promise not to steal my grand plan and go out and make your own, BETTER art. Because then I’ll dump your ass in the chocolate river and the Ooompa Loompas will come out and do a little song and dance regarding your terrible fate.
October 11th, 2006
Say the words “Pee-Wee Herman” and most of the world will immediately think “perv.” Not me. That man is a genius. A perverted genius perhaps, but really, what’s new there?
Anywho, I *heart* Pee-Wee’s Big Adventure. I mean, I luuuuuurve that movie. That’s why I was so excited to see this shirt on Threadless.
“In the Basement of the Alamo  ha-HA (she says in her best Pee-Wee laugh)
October 11th, 2006
I went to wash my favorite hoody yesterday and pulled like seven Kleenexes (in various states of use) out of the pockets.
yep, apparently I’ve turned into my mother.
October 10th, 2006
