Well, I made the Kindergartner cry again…
August 18th, 2006
Ok, I thought this was funny. Some of you will be appalled. If you read it, and are indeed appalled, just please go away quietly and delete any bookmarks to this site. Don’t send me any stupid e-mails about how horrid I am to my children because I will just laugh at you. And perhaps mail you a cat poop.
That said…
Yesterday, at dinner, I asked the 3-year-old if she wanted anything else to eat. She nodded. “What would you like?” And then came the answer: “Poop.” And a grin. And a daring look. And a big ol’ giggle.
Fine. I can play that game. “Ok,” I said, “I’ll go get you a cat poop from the basement.” Here’s a quick primer on our cat: Her name is Schmatt; she was neurotic before we had kids; she’s clinging to the edge of sanity now that there are three kids to harass her; she is loved, but not doted upon anymore like she used to be; this makes her very cranky; she poops all over our basement. Yep, it’s the best. @@ So 99.9% of the time, it’s gross and maddening that we have cat piles laying around in the basement. Today, that 0.1% of the time, it’s handy.
So I go downstairs, pick up a cat turd (in a NAPKIN, I’m not that gross!) and bring it back upstairs to show the girls. The 3-year-old giggles and looks at me like, “I wonder if I’m going to really have to eat that now.” The 5-year-old starts whining, and then yelling, “Noooooooo, don’t make her eat it. Anna, DON’T EAT IT!” I tell them that I’m going into the kitchen to warm it up, since it’s a little hardened.
In there, I scavenge for a Tootsie Roll but curse me! I’ve eaten them all. So I chop a little piece off a chocolate bar, nuke it and smooth it down so that it looks vaguely turd-like. Put it on a different napkin, and serve it up. The Kindergartner is still screaming. The Poop-Girl eyes it suspiciously, sniffs it a couple of times, and asks me if it’s really chocolate. I nod yes. The Screamer is oblivious to this exchange because she is still screaming. And then it gets eaten. The Screamer screams more. The Poop-Eater thinks it’s all the most hilarious thing ever. This makes The Screamer even more upset. So we talk her down off her ledge and explain. After I show her the wrapper, she finally believes us.
And then she laughs and laughs.
Entry Filed under: and I laughed and laughed..., my kiddos
2 Comments
1. Katy | August 18th, 2006 at 8:19 pm
Ba ha ha ha! That is seriously going the extra mile. Excellent work.
And here I was feeling bad because I find it hilarious every time my daughter says her invented bad word: Crapass. She *knows* this cracks me up and uses it against me on a regular basis.
“Tastes bad, mom? Does it taste crapass?” After I finish giggling, I remind her that it is Bad Word, not to be used in any way other than to amuse your mother.
2. doe | August 21st, 2006 at 3:51 pm
Yup… I love you. Yesterday my mother made my kindergartner cry… how, you ask? By telling her she had to eat something green. They finally settled on a pear and headed off to the grocery store with tears pouring down her face…
I do, indeed, love you.
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